Emerson

I've added a new human to my list of influential beings and great things they said. Emerson, indeed. I encountered his writing in the summer of last year, but turned away from it because I was required to read it and wasn't enjoying it so much. Now, I'm realizing his genius and his love of God all in one. I think they may be related....just maybe. Think about it for a second. Anyway, here's a couple I just read and will be adding to my wall of quotes in my room:

A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer.

All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.

Character is higher than intellect...A great soul will be strong to live, as well as to think.

Every great and commanding moment in the annals of the world is the triumph of some enthusiasm.

That last one was made for me :) hehe

Of Love and All That Jazz

My day was officially made when my little sister made a most astute observation: she said I am loveable. :) Now I'm just warning you, this is a "brag post". Every good blog needs one every now and then, or at least I think so. I was talking with her about my coworkers and about the new guy we got that started this weekend. Somehow this made her think that I'm beloved by all my coworkers (which I certainly hope is true) and that I'm completely loveable and the words she used, "Who wouldn't like you, Jessie?" Needless to say this was a very, "Awwwwwww shucks" moment for me. Still is I believe. :) So this made me think, "Being loveable and more importantly, being loved by people is so important." Of course, some would say that people can be loved for the wrong reasons and therefore being loveable is not always good, and in fact, it can be bad. Well I would say, and I'm making this up as I go, that if it is truly love we are speaking of, it is incapable of any wrong motivations/reasons. If a person loves another (any type of "love" is applicable) then there can be no wrong reasons or selfish motivation. True love is pure truth. It is unbridled, unmasked, and stands alone among all else. It can't even be associated with any grey or matter of uncertainty, untrustworthiness, or suspicion. God is love and He is none of these things. I feel like I'm having a C.S. Lewis moment or something. hehe I tell you, it is no coincidence that I can speak so easily and so passionately about love. I know God has called me to be a people-lover, a life-lover, and a God-lover. I'm just in love with love. And in all forms. The story I'm writing for National Novel Writing Month, and which will eventually turn into my senior project, is a love story nonetheless. It comes naturally and I'm not fighting it. The process is going slow, but I just mentally laughed because I know that's exactly how my "love life" will occur; slow indeed. That's just how I roll. Here's an excerpt from what I currently have in my story.

11/8/11

First I had to hit the ladies room. That interlude had somehow caused my insides to spazz out, plus I desperately needed to wash my face before anyone recognized me as the red-faced freak I was when I was a teenager. Red-faced and freckled. Not a great combination. Of course, in the ladies room there tends to be other ladies in there so when I was calmly splashing cold water on my face while taking long, relaxing breaths, Lily Jenkins comes up beside me at the mirror and shrieks,

“Oh Melanie! I thought I saw you in there! You were sitting next to my cousin, Shane!” she squealed, obviously hinting at some idea that I actually talked with the guy, found out he was single, and gave him my number because we discovered we were perfectly compatible within the thirty seconds I was there before the ceremony began. Well that’s Lily Jenkins for you.

“Yes, he did mention his name was Shane. We didn’t talk very much, Lily. I got in late and that was the closest free spot I could find. The ceremony started soon after I sat down.” I was going to have to be defensive on this one. The big guns were coming out. I wasn’t planning on playing nice.

“Yeah that’s why I got here plenty early. I scoped out all the cute single ones so I know who to dance with later. I’ll point them out to you when we get over there. You’re still single, right?”

Oh boy. I feel like a T-Bone getting marinated before I’m put on the grill. “Yes I am, but I came here because Rachel is one of my close friends, and I wouldn’t miss her wedding for the world. I didn’t come to look at handsome men in tuxes. They’re overrated anyway.”

Ice Cream and Hobbes

In an attempt to being intellectual, I am writing while reading through my reading packet for history. My nerdness got excited today in class because we're starting the Scientific Revolution and discussing philosophers such as Hobbes, Montesquieu, Rousseau, Locke, and my personal favorite Wollstonecraft. Gotta love these guys (and girl). Trying to explain humans, well that's a minefield only the bravest get themselves into. Except Freud, I'm almost certain he just wrote all that stuff just to get on the nerves of as many intellectual-wannabees as possible. I bet he woke up one day and was like, "I know a foolproof plan to become famous and make myself seem super duper smart! I can come up with all this shtuff that no one will understand (or want to) and therefore I will be a genius because no one can understand it!" He was just plain weird. I can appreciate weirdness, but not when it's running Han solo and there's no Sense to accompany it. You have to have some small amount of sense in all that psycho-babble.

And now, as I'm staring at myself in the mirror with my oh so intellectual-looking reading glasses on, I am making studious and quizzical facial expressions and the first thought that comes to my mind is, "I WANT ICE CREAM!" Now, before you jump to conclusions, this isn't completely random because I've been realizing as of late that I have an icky taste in my mouth due to the fact that I accidentally took a nap a couple hours ago, and therefore ice cream would be the perfect solution to that problem.

Good Times

It's interesting and rather depressing how long I've been putting off this whole blog "thing". It's not like I'm too busy because I find plenty of ways to do a lot of stuff I don't have to and not do the things I should do. I am proud to share that I gave the message at youth group on Wednesday night and in addition to my message, the whole night was a great success! More people attended than I was expecting, needless to say this freaked me out quite a bit because I wasn't entirely ready to speak in front of people I didn't know. One hilarious little moment that happened that night which I keep remembering is when at the end of the night we were cleaning up outside and I grabbed the lighter to bring inside, but instead of taking it into the house, I decided to have a little bit of fun and catch a plant on fire and then quickly blow it out. Well, as I was dramatically leaning down and getting ready to light the thing, my pal Josh yells in my ear and I screamed bloody murder and jumped a foot or two. I skulked into the house immediately while he cracked up at my reaction, which he definitely was NOT expecting. Good times, good times. In all, it could be described as the best kind of party with the best kind of people. The worship was laid back and awesome. The whole campfire thing added to the ambiance and it was pretty cool. :) I made Jesus cookies! They were just crosses actually and SOME people were telling me that they should have been named cross cookies instead because that would be more accurate...well I say being accurate is highly overrated.

P.S. For you wondering minds, the topic of my discussion that night was "God's Unfailing Love"

Punching Bag

Senior year. It's the final period of one's life at high school and it's bittersweet. Come November, all everyone will be talking about is college. Ick. I love college, love talking about it when I want to, but I detest the conversations that tend to occur around them. Such as, "I'm applying to all these colleges...blah blah blah....yeah I need to get into them because they're so good and all that junk". Well, I plan on going to college period. I don't need to be accepted into a UC or a school of certain prestige in order to feel smart, capable, intellectual, etc. In fact, I openly refuse to support the UC system and all its crap. Right now, and even through the weeks of applying to two or three colleges, I will be enjoying high school life. That means not having to worry about how I'm putting food in front of myself for the night, how I'm going to pay bills and taxes, and what I need to buy at the grocery store for the week. I am not an adult yet, therefore I don't believe I need to pretend to be something I'm not. For my seventeenth year on earth, if God wills it, I am determined to savor my "freedom". Meaning, making decisions with what to do with money that I earn because God knows I won't have it once I start to receive responsibilities in my adult life. Being 17 means I'm asking God and my parents and family to help prepare me for life, but not to expect me to jump on the bandwagon of complacency and just accept things the way they are. I will question why I have to do something I don't want to do, why I have to give things up for other things. Why priorities for me are not for others. I just want to surrender to the fact that I can't figure everything out before I have to. I can only be prepared to grow up after it's already happening, which it is. So, my motto for the moment is "roll with the punches, but dish out some of your own". Yup, sounds good to me. hehe

That post was a bit scatter-brained haha oh well

The Answer Is Always "Yes"

Story time! I was working at the register at the snack bar today at work and a sweet-looking lady was pulling out her bills and asked if we're allowed to take tips. I said, "unfortunately, no". And then she proceeded to say something along the lines of "oh that's too bad" and then she said in a most chipper manner, "well then I'll just have to pray harder for you today!" I smiled and said a polite, "thank you", but then I totally freaked out inside my head for a moment! A random lady just told me she'd pray for me today! I didn't know her, never seen her before, and you have no idea how rare it is to have such a sweet and amazing customer like her on your shift at the movie theater! Needless to say that completely made my day, but I didn't really think too much of it until a little earlier this evening. I was a little in shock, I think, that it actually happened. Could it be possible that God would send me a little reminder like that in the middle of my day to let me know that He's always thinking of me and that He loves me? Is it comprehensible that there are strangers just like her that are praying for me? The answer is yes. Always.

Beautiful Things

I wonder if, when God is watching His plans for us unfold, especially the ones we don't see coming, if He smiles contently and simply waits for us to respond. I imagine a smile, eyes gleaming brighter than supernovas, pure love shooting out in every direction, arms outstretched for the ready. I have to believe that He doesn't find pleasure, necessarily, in our pain, in our being knocked off our feet, and yet it feels as if He wants us to hurt. It's not a new contradictory idea; hurt bringing healing, but we need to be reminded every time it happens, that's for sure. I'd like to experience the hurt, heal, then erase the hurt from my memory so that nothing, even mere memories, can turn me back to that place where I don't want to be. I don't want to remember the life of the Hurt. This being what caused it, all the details and events having anything to do with it, anything that could turn my mind to that darkness. No other name fits it closely enough but that.

I feel the heavy presence of my Father, my God, when I realize that a simple song is a tool He used and is using at this very moment. I heard it for the first time only about a week ago, but it's simple enough that I memorized it, have been playing it constantly, and now it seems I find refuge in it. The lyrics relate to how I feel at this moment, after the Hurt. Because of the power of that song, I make it my prayer for tonight and the rest of my life: that no human being could ever defile the Creation that God has made in me. The Light and the Beauty can never be put out or covered up by human events, or human will. By God alone I have been made, and by God alone I will be remade. Made new. Out of feeling like a speck of dust, I become a Beautiful Thing.

Here's the lyrics:

Beautiful Things by Gungor

All this pain
I wonder if I'll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

Chorus:
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

Good Night Moon, Hello School!

Okay. Let's go back to school already. I have no big, amazing plans for the last few days of summer and I got my schedule so I'm set to go! Let's get the show on the road. By the time it really does start I will regret saying this, but oh well. I am a school person. I enjoy it, I loved it last year probably most of all the years I've been attending this...er...institution and I'm super excited for my senior year. So let's do this! One last weekend before I start to sincerely treasure the weekends again, this was my last Friday morning devoid of the need to wake up before the sun does. Oh the joy. My heart will just be singing songs of pure ecstasy once I start up the whole routine again. Not. I wonder what time Starbucks opens???? Something to think about once I get my license in 3 months *eek!* So today: the morning hours consisted of standing in a sea of sophomoric sophomores for 45 minutes (some of which smelled really bad) only to slowly creep along an assembly line of turning in forms and what not (I call the packets of forms they send home before school starts "crap packets") and then not so discreetly fast walk around in a circle in the gym to get to the table where the class schedules are. Counselor tells me I need to go up to office with my health form thingy, go up there and there's no directions, no nothing but some people dealing with a situation in one part of the office. I finally go over to one of the rooms I noticed, hand them my form, get another piece of paper, walk BACK down to the sophomore atmosphere, stand in line behind some sophomores, then get my schedule, then GET THE HECK OUT OF THERE! Got to work on time surprisingly. Like my schedule thus far and now I'm anxious to get back to school. My brain is confused by the drastic decline of usage it's gotten in the past two months. It's sad, really.

I freakin' love my teachers from last year, most of which I will be visiting on the first day back because I miss them so much, yes I'm a softy. Then I will walk into my first period with a grin on my face because my teacher is the same science teacher I had freshman year and completely loved, he even remembered me in the past couple years I wasn't in his class. So that's that. And I'm so excited for school that I even sort of began my school newspaper endeavors, unofficially. Yayness. Okay, sleep is a necessary part of my day, therefore I shall retire now. Good night world. :) hehe

How do i always end up talking about work? ugh

After seven straight days of work, then two days in a row of not working, I am actually excited to go back to work tomorrow. Then I get the rest of the week off for my birthday weekend and camping in Tahoe! yay! And honestly, I am starting to not completely hate work now. It "pays the bills" and in some way, it's rewarding to spend hours doing things not for yourself. I hate only doing things that involve my own life and all that. It's freaky. Not having to think of someone else, it really takes a toll on me for some out of this world reason. I give credit to God. Yup, that can be the only explanation. I'm breathing a sigh of relief. From what I am not sure, but it feels good. :) I think part of this "contentness" is coming from listening to country music on Pandora and writing. Gosh I love writing. Okay I'm getting off here before I get all emotional. hehe

Writing In A Chair In the Middle of the Grass

Out here I'm alone and I like it. I don't particularly enjoy being alone, but sometimes I prefer to be by myself and just take in the silence. It's funny: most people don't know when to stop talkingm but at the same time are completely unaware of when to speak up and say something. i mean the words that are meant and intended to be said. Not the gross gossip, or latest updates on other people's private lives. The newlywed sneaking up behind his wife to kiss her on the cheek when she's doing laundry and he says, "Be careful with my delicates now!" The old man bringing his wife of 40 years her iced tea and says, "Want some sugar too?" as he grins and tenderly gives her a peck on the lips. Okay, I've been reading way too many romance novels lately, but you catch my drift.

The point is God has given me this perfect part of the day to sit outside and clear my thoughts of anything but Him and His love for me. Seriously, the wind is blissful because it reminds me of the ocean, or open fields of grass and never-ending directions to frolic in. Yes, frolic. It is a very awesome past time everyone should try at one point. It's like dancing for Jesus in the fashion I believe He intended for us; shameless, exciting, and liberating while being surrounded by His glorious creations.

I shall conclude with lyrics to a song I'm listening to at the moment of my ruminations:

"Because of Your cross my debt is paid
Because of Your blood my sins are washed away
Now all of my life I freely give
Because of Your love, because of Your love I live"

Eleanor Roosevelt!

I was bored so I looked up "eleanor roosevelt quotes" in google. I admire that woman so much for who she was, what she did, and most of all her character. She was just plain amazing. Here's a taste of her wisdom:

"I have spent many years of my life in opposition, and I rather like the role."

"What you don't do can be a destructive force"

"Women are like teabags. We don't know our true strength until we are in hot water!"

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do"

"Never allow a person to tell you no who doesn't have the power to say yes"

"We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all"

"Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product"

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams"
'

Mirrors

I wonder why, me being so independent of thought and sense of direction, why I rely so on other's beliefs in me? Why do I, even in the smallest ways, attempt to conform to this world? How can I speak and feel so passionately, and yet be so frail? How can my beliefs be strong, my confident facade be stronger, and my faith in myself so weak? When did I begin to form the fork between the road of wanting and the road of capability? Since when were they separate, completely different entities? Where has my child-like faith gone? Is it buried in the bleak realm of acceptance and complacency? Or maybe the waste basket filled to the brim with other people's dreams, discarded and traded for something inferior; reality. What we call "the real world". I tell you, the world is nothing more than what we make it out to be. Am I still smart, driven, caring? Am I the person everyone sees in me? Maybe the mirror lies. Look at yourself through another's eyes.

...

Found a moldy orange in one of my bags in my closet. Maybe I have a problem...looking for the Febreze as I type...I am shaking my head at myself mentally...these incomplete thoughts are bugging me. Going to go clean now.

32 Ounces, Yeah Right!

It has come to no surprise that I have made little progress on my bucket list. I think the "drink at least 32 ounces of water a day" was a bit unrealistic considering my record of keeping half-finished water bottles in my room until I've collected a solid amount of 4 or more. None of them being finished in the span of one day. Old habits die hard, or however that saying goes. I'm looking at my Nalgene bottle right now and it has about 14 ounces of 3 day old water in it. It's easy to say that I don't clean up my desk very often. It has become my personal collecting table of whatever I don't feel like putting away or taking care of. In fact, just for the fun of it I shall give you a little taste of the interesting items that are currently making their home on this useful piece of furniture. Let's see, a small Tupperware container that I used for a snack at work maybe a week ago, my old biology binder that's still filled with all my papers from the previous school year (I meant to have a bonfire for those...), three books stacked in a pile to my left and only one of which I am even close to finishing, and a bin that is filled with random shtuff including a MLK poster that I intend to hang somewhere in a very cool and inspirational fashion, and my purse that I never use.

Hammock Ruminations

This much wind and I should be on the bow of a sailboat in the middle of the Pacific Ocean! That's where I'd like to be anyway. Instead, I am reclining in the hammock with Mere Christianity, a small bottle of water, and a warm outfit! First day of vacation bible school and I was very excited. Complete with silly and enthusiastic dance moves, enough to embarrass myself and cause half the audience to give me blank stares. Granted,that was the "cool" half, the group of kids that are on the cusp of growing up and so think themselves too cool for such silliness. They will learn in no time that silliness is invaluable. If you're smart, you hold onto your silliness for as long as possible because whether you realize it or not, one day that lighthearted weirdness will put a smile on your face and give you an untouchable joy.

Exciting Jessie story for the day: Just went outside to roll my mom's car windows up and I was wearing my pajama pants and a sports bra. I'm pretty sure no one saw me, but oh well. You see worse things driving in your car in broad daylight. Like this one time when I saw an English teacher I knew and he was wearing bright blue spandex pants, while jogging shirtless. Interesting. Waking up tomorrow early so I can do my last driving lesson at 8! woohoo, so scared for my life. Probably going to parallel park and all that jazz.

Weirdness

Back to the Bucket List: crossed off #3 and #15. Those are "play the piano" and "cook a stir fry dish". First one went alright (wouldn't really call it playing, I practiced some worship songs with just the chords, but what the heck) and the second, well it went as well as to be expected. I overcooked the veggies, they were mooshiness to the max. I put everything in at the wrong time and out of order, but it tasted edible and no one died of amateur stir fry poisoning so...It was so ugly looking that I didn't want to take a picture of it. I will try some other time in the future and it shall be amazing. Okay, for some reason I'm not in the right mood for writing. Which is weird for me since I'm always in the mood to write. Okay, stopping now.

"The Sisters and Space Theory"

I have a theory for you: I named it "The Sisters and Space Theory" or if you'd like to apply it to all siblings, "The Siblings and Space Theory". The gist of it is basic physics, really. The more sisters one has, the less space one has. This theory can be applied to brothers also, but from simple observation I've noticed that sisters tend to be "all up in each other's grills" about things waaaayyy more often than brothers to sisters. Brothers tend to usually keep to themselves and attempt to ignore the estrogen that is invading their man space. Usually. Now, as years pass and older sisters move out of the house (which they never really do until they're married because let's face it, they miss ragging on their little sisters about things and giving them "sisterly advice" which is just girl advice with more punch to it), well after sisters move out, in the case of a 3-daughter household, a new older sister is born! In summary, the youngest sister becomes more needy than she already is and the middle sister becomes more suffocated than she already is. The sister love will always be there, but the need for space becomes more imperative than you can imagine.

"The Soul Sista Space Theory"- This is very similar to the preceding axiom, but substitute biological siblings for best friends whom you call siblings. Cutting out the whole moving out thing, and just plain simplify it to "if they're an only child, they pretty much need a good best friend like you to be with". This is good. This is entirely wonderful and the friendship can be completely amazing like mine is with my bestie, but my bestie doesn't have any siblings of her own and so I am the sister she never had. I volunteered for this "position" and gladly fill it with pride. It just so happens, though, that the first theory directly applies to me because I am a middle child, and combined with the "Soul Sista Space Theory", it can get overwhelming. In short, this author needs space every now and then. That sounds totally lame, but it's true.

How do I get space? For me, it's writing on my blog (if Laverne isn't looking over my shoulder like she was a few minutes ago), or lounging on the floor in a bookstore which I haven't done in quite some time and really should do soon, or even going to Starbucks with a book, or browsing around in Bath and Body Works (I could be in there forever, it smells like heaven!). Basically, I am a lone wolf in most situations and when I am social, it's not in big groups (unless forced into it), and if I know what I would like to do for the day, I'd prefer to just do it in quiet and enjoy it. Plain and simple. It is a rare occasion that I call up one of my friends to do something. Just not how I do things. The only exception to this is when the other friend takes charge (which my bestie does a lot, bless her soul) and initiates the "hanging out". What does that even mean, anyway? My next topic for discussion :D Until next time!

Camping Journals...and shtuff

Okay so you can't blame me for wanting to fit in as many blog postings as possible into one day because I have a goal of reaching 100 posts by the end of the summer, and I will do it. So I wrote the following while camping to make up for the days I wasn't able to connect to a computer.

6/28
Writing with my snazzy shark pen, yeah that's how I roll. Sitting in front of the yet-to-be-existent fire, and as Jeff Daddy is cooking the chicken on the BBQ I'm reminded of a poem I wrote in Ms. Sommer's English class. Wow, that sounds like a cue for a song, resembling what you experience in musicals, and not so well done ones at that.

Here's the poem I had stashed away...

Steak for Dinner

I recall Pinecrest Lake in June.
An expanse of powder blue sky osculates
the apex of the proud pine tree.
A sliver of smoke ascends, reaching for the heavens.
Its origin is a humble scarlet grill.

The snap, crackle, pops draw my attention
from the Dutch Blitz game I'm playing
with my sisters, to the Wilderness Man.
His burly face so focused yet tranquil.
The Wilderness Man is cooking the way
he has for as long as we can remember.
Flips the steaks over, shakes some seasoning
as it coats each piece so much that I sneeze
because the subtle breeze carries it from feet away.
Deftly covers the grill and wipes his charred
hands on his denim jeans.
It's time to eat!

6/29
Turns out camping doesn't leave a lot of room for spontaneous writing, especially last night when it was pouring down rain with a little thunder and lightning on the side. All last night I was going through a series of mental breakdowns whilst my body was wrapped in my sleeping bag, hiding from the raging storm outside. I can't even concentrate on what I wanted to say because I'm too distracted by the little kids playing baseball, their dog with the most obnoxious bark in the world (maybe the universe), and the parents who are just as immature as their kids. If there's one thing that's more annoying than immature children, it's immature adults. I only pray to God that I learn something from all the completely ridiculous married couples that I see and don't act the way they do. God only hopes. Which reminds me of a Jane Austen quote! As Mr. Knightly once said, "The truest of friends does not doubt, but hope." Yay for Mr. Knightly!

Oops!

I shall pretend for a moment that I neglected to relay to all my readers a most important and upmostly (it's a word now) vital piece of information. In reality, I just forgot to say that I crossed off #2 on my bucket list which is "write poetry". I decided to do that in the morning a few days ago, while still in bed so give me a break. Here it is...

you spout off your philosophies
the same way that you say that we do,
what you don't see is that you're just like me,
you believe in something and defend it too.

"Those Christians, they don't know what they're talking about"
Well how is that so? Do you?

no one is above or below,
we all crawl at the human line
but those very few whom you called fools
The Creator calls "children" and "mine"

so why persecute, if you "know" you're right?
it's no use trying to put us down
because by the grace of God, we'll get up again
and in His army, for His name, we will fight

Potheads, and Concerts, and Things Like Illicit Drugs

Crossed off #20 on my summer bucket list. Bam! Went t0 Vans Warped Tour yesterday and got a picture of Relient K. So there. They were amazing as expected and I got a sunburn, as also expected. It was piping hot in Mountain View, I'm telling you. Not very much shade was present and it was a miracle I didn't pass out from a heat stroke. So at the end of the day, satisfaction was felt on my behalf. I still can't believe I made it through the day of those stupid potheads, with their very-big-word-for-disgusting marijuana. I mean, come on people. We were chilling out in the ampitheater and a couple rows directly in front of me was this one guy passing around his cigarette, or joint, or whatever you call it. I was just sitting there and I had about had it with this dude so I was looking around, found a half-full soda cup, and almost threw it at him. I literally was on the brink of chucking a cup full of soda at the back of this man's head! Personally, I think it would have made for a fantastic story, but considering the fact that I've never had much experience with angry potheads, I wasn't about to find out for myself what would happen if I did that. Next time, though, it will happen. Watch out, potheads! Jessie's comin' for ya! hehe All the time leading up to this event I teased my friend that I was going to buy an "above the influence" shirt and wear it there. I couldn't find one that I liked, but I did end up seeing someone with an anti-weed shirt, so I'm not the only smart weird person out there.

Back to the bucket list: six down, nineteen to go!

P.S. The title of this post is a pun. There's a Relient K song called "Chapstick, and Chapped Lips, and Things Like Chemistry". Just sayin' :)

A Bittersweet Return

Back to civilization and it's bittersweet indeed. Camping in Pinecrest is the most sacred of Whitcomb family traditions, next to Disneyland that is. Just me, Mr. J-Diddy, and Erica this time around. I won't have enough time this typing session to go into detail about the fun had by all, but here's commentary on the return portion of the vacation.

The Bitter: No more sitting in front of the fire with a poking stick in hand, just relaxing with the fam. No more enjoying the scenic view of the lake at sunset without a care in the world. Coming back to the obligations of daily life, and all that entails. Pretty much no more escape from "regular" life.

The Sweet: SHOWERS!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOODNESS, SHOWERS!!!!!!!!!! I've never loved showering so much as I did today when I bathed and felt warm water for the first time in four days. The kitties, you end up missing them no matter what. Outlets to charge my phone in, there's an epic saga in there about how I managed to go camping with only one bar of battery life to start with. No more having to listen to obnoxious and childish neighbors, the adults were worse than their kids.

There's more, but I'm too distracted by the pizza in front of me and the current episode of Whale Wars on t.v. to think. Okay, will come back to this subject area when I've been properly refueled and rested.

camp camp camp CAMPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Hippy Day!

I had a hippie moment today and pretty darn proud of it! I was just mindin' my own business, walking along the road back to the O'Malley homestead when a funny thought popped into my head. Here I was sipping on my eco-friendly Starbucks cup, carrying a Bath&Body Works bag filled with Not Tested on Animals shower gel, and not producing carbon emissions by walking a mile or two. Oh hippy day! With my groovy sunglasses to complete the look, I was thoroughly enjoying myself beyond belief. Point blank. Amazingness.

Money or Memories?

So far work has been this surreal type of experience for me. I've been working at the movie theater in town for a month now and I've already received a write-up. Granted, it was for forgetting to do something which is completely small and doesn't seem very important, but it is. IT REALLY IS. I forgot to approve my timecard for a certain week. I work weekends and we're supposed to approve them by the Thursday of every week. My boss even txted me and reminded me, but I forgot. Of course. A write-up for that sort of thing isn't the biggest deal in the world so I'm good. I will recover by being the most enthusiastic and amazingly patient and customer-friendly employee out there! Well, maybe not, but I can try.

So what was my point in discussing boring old work? Oh yeah, I am starting to look forward to work tonight. Reason being that it will keep my mind off the fact that my family is in Tahoe without me. That fact doesn't bother me as much as the fact that I'd rather just be with them, even if it was just at home. Family vacations have been something that I never miss. I would rather visit aunts and uncles and both my grandmas than spend a day shopping, even at a bookstore(gasp!). Yeah, it's that important to me. So, with the coming of a job into my life and summer commencing, I am stuck missing a most sacred event in my life. A trip to Tahoe is nothing. On its own, it is nothing. The trip that I am missing right now is made of sweet, probably hilarious memories that I will never know, places and figures where something happened but I won't be filled in on it. Last night, my dear daddy called me and told me what they did. Nothing exciting: walked down to the beach just to look at it, walked around probably for close to an hour looking for a place to eat and then eventually ended up eating at the hotel (so typically our family because apparently, we have a hard time deciding what to eat half the time, another trip memory: San Luis Obispo at 11 pm and I don't even remember where we ended up eating). Anyway, day one and I'm already missing my family. What a softy.

Oh yeah! Another plan/trip that work ruined: visiting my grandma for two weeks or more, and I even marked pages in a vegan cookbook! I know, I know. The money will be worth it, but I can't imagine what the rest of the individuals in the working world end up losing every year? Money, maybe not. But memories and family time are sometimes just as, if not more, valuable. This is why I wouldn't mind being a teacher, just get a substitute! hehe

A Rap About A Silly Snore

It happened sophomore year in my English class. I was bored and we were in our poetry unit of the year (picture an always cheerful Jessie and that's how I was the whole time!). I had time so I started to write a random, purposeless poem (although I've come to find that there is no such thing!). It can be interpreted as a rap if you want (I advise against it, though I'm a pretty good rapper hehe ) and it went a little like so...

Waking up to the sound of rain drops,
I've never wanted anything more.

Waking up to a thunder storm,
to the heavens my happiness soars.

Waking up to the sun's bright rays,
it melts me to the core.

Waking up to the sound from the hall,
it's my mother's silly snore.

Let the Crossing-Off Commence!

Crossed off "have a sister bonding sleepover with Erica". Those girly magazines are extra proof of our "party" last night. I watched High Society while Erica attempted to pay attention, almost fell asleep, then proceeded to the computer for the other hour and 30 minutes of the movie. :) I think she lasted about twenty minutes. Good times, good times.

Crossed off "start a wall of quotes"...I believe there are two from Eleanor Roosevelt and three from C.S. Lewis. What does that tell you? Not that I'm obsessed with their amazingness, of course not! It means they said and thought things worthwhile. Yup. And you can too! Motivational blurb for the day :)

Lethargic

Yesterday was one of those completely random and totally hyper days. I was feeling quite lethargic (my new favorite word to describe everything having to do with my summer days) until I went to froyo with a friend. Ran into the bestie there also and we hung out (sounds so exhilarating, right?). Bestie and I went back to mi casa and as she was on the computadora (I'm feeling very bilinguil at the moment) I was thinking of the most awkward and horrible names to give my kids. The following results were products of sugar being in my system combined with what could have been too much heat. hehe P.S. I apologize if you ever considered naming your kids these, those would be very unhappy/awkward kids indeed :)

Bartholomew
Archibald
Ferdinand
(then I started to take real people's first and last names, and break them apart into two separate kids, it got pretty hilarious)
Byron
Keats (two separate people, but you see the hilarity in the names)
Benjamin
Franklin
Frederick
Douglass
George
Lucas
Edgar
Allan
Poe
(there used to be a show on Disney I think called Boy Meets World, main character's name is Cory Matthews and his love interest is named Topanga)
Cory
Matthew
Topanga (if you happen to have a girl)
Jane (for a girl)
Austen (for a boy)

so many more possibilities, but these are what I thought of yesterday. Good stuff, I know haha

End note, already checked two things off my Bucket List: straighten hair and start a wall of quotes!

Summer Bucket List

1) read all books on reading list
2) write poetry
3) play the piano
4) straighten my hair (I never do this)
5) go to a Giants game with Meggan and Annie
6) reach 100 posts on my blog
7) finish Want More? devotional series
8) have a sister bonding movie night and sleepover with Erica
9) go on a hike with Caitlin/Gerson
10) visit downtown San Rafael with Alexa
11) take pics with manual camera
12) scrapbook with all photos in it
13) get a new fish/fishes
14) visit four different book stores and write the names of them down along with a book I bought or wanted to buy
15) cook a stir fry dish
16) start a wall of quotes
17) figure out how to use my telescope
18) submit a letter to the editor of a newspaper
19) complete a jigsaw puzzle
20) get a picture of Relient K
21) go to a book signing
22) drink at least 32 ounces of water a day
23) walk across the Golden Gate Bridge
24) see Harry Potter!
25) go to Six Flags with the Whit Women

Yay For Lists!

So I've added something to my "bucket list": write 50,000 words in the month of November. Maybe I will do this in the summer...would you believe I have a summer bucket list! There's something about lists that just make me more motivated to accomplish tasks, and they are awesome. Just sayin'. Side note: Tonight I found out that I am once again working two 8 hour shifts this weekend, in a row, at concessions, and I'm closing. Injure me in some way, please. Or find a way to get me my paycheck because it was equally disappointing to find out that I wasn't getting it last weekend like I thought. Poo. I need to watch the Sound of Music to clear my mind, but I'm thinking I won't be able to do that since it's already "late" and both the parents are going to sleep soon...another poo :(

One last thing before I go, I am commencing operation "get all the reading done on my reading list before summer is kaput" tonight. :) yaaaayyyy

P.S. if any of you know of a cool nerd shirt website I could go to, please let me know! I am determined to reach a whole new level of nerdiness, and if you know me at all, you know that it won't be a difficult task at all. Toodles!

Quotations For Ya

Here's some quotations that I feel like sending out into the abyss, and hopefully some readers who will appreciate the words of wisdom.

"As every thread of gold is valuable, so is every moment of time." Anon.

"Procrastination is like a credit card; it's a lot of fun until you get the bill."-Christopher Parker (this one explains my life)

"One is taught by experience to put a premium on those few people who can appreciate you for what you are."-Gail Godwin

"Normal is just a setting on your dryer."-Patsy Clairmont (love this one)

"Intelligence is the only unlimited natural resource."-Anon.

That's enough for now :D

Randomness

As usual I've let my mind run away with me. Actually it's more like my mind is running and pulling me along against my will. Point is, an idle mind is the devil's battleground. I think I just made that up. What I mean is when you sit in front of the piano and just start to contemplate and assess your life, that can turn into a bad thing. It turns out badly for me almost every time because assessing turns into stressing and worrying, which morphs into this little mini freak-out session in my mind. So I've decided to look to writing for a cure. And it works. So does listening to catchy songs and attempting to figure out what the lyrics mean. That's always fun. Here's a taste of what I'm listening to right now. And yes, it's super girly and lovey dovey, but that's what cheers me up so whatever.

Everything you say,
And every time we kiss I can't think straight
But I'm okay.
And I can't think of anybody else who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you
So please give me your hand...

CUTE right?! hehe okay my girly moment is over now :)

Excited for First Friday tonight! Ready for some amazing worship!

P.S. I'm working 5-10:45 pm tomorrow at the movie theater. Feel free to visit!

"No One Bothers You More Than Yourself"

Back to therapy. That's what I'm calling this. For now, the best way to describe this blog is therapeutic. My eyes are crying out for some sleepy time, but rest is out of the question when there's two weeks of school left, I recently started at my first job, and it's gloomy outside. Random side note: I have this theory about rainy weather. I get tired quicker when the weather is gloomy or it's rainy and wet and such. I love the rain, hate the tiredness. I'm so glad I'm complaining digitally because there's nothing that irks me more than whiny voices/tones. And then the one thing that ranks higher than even that on my "irk list" is being obviously hypocritical, which is what I am being right now (complaining about complaining, yeah I've gone THAT far). I have another theory: I call it the "No One Bothers You More Than Yourself" conundrum/axiom. It means that the things, behaviors, mannerisms, whatever you want to call them, that bother you the most are the ones you display within yourself. For instance, I absolutely hate it when the people sitting behind me in class tap their feet incessantly on the wire basket under my own because all I feel for the remainder of the period is their stupid feet- drumming causing a not-so-massaging vibration on my behind. Not. Fun. Yet, I tap my feet all the time, I kid you not.

So where was I going with this entry? I never remember once I start typing....

I literally just finished The Lucky One by Nicholas Sparks. That's right people-who-have-been-keeping-up-with-my-endeavor-to-read-all-the-nicholas-sparks-books, I am soooooooooooo close to being finished! By the way, I don't really think I was supposed to hyphenate that whole sentence right there, I might be unconsciously obsessed with hyphens. Another problem for another time. Back to the sappy romantic novels: He came out with a new one recently so as the list gets smaller, it's also managed to grow at the same time. Literary genius right there. I believe it's called The Best of Me. I still have that one, Dear John, and the nonfiction book Three Weeks With My Brother. I'm putting off Dear John because (and I know it's not the same) I've watched the movie too many times and I'm pretty much getting sick of the plot. I know the book will be better than the movie, but that doesn't mean I have to look forward to it. I look forward only to the finishing of my task, of what I set out to do. I have no doubt that Nicholas Sparks will continue to write those romance novels that I can easily predict but somehow enjoy despite of all its cliches and uniformity. Love is love, man. And I LOVE LITERATURE! You can't tell me that that stuff isn't literature because it is. It just is.

It has taken me months to compile, edit, scratch out and then add stuff, categorize, the whole shabang...that is...my summer reading list. For pleasure that is. I always read for pleasure, but due to my enrollment in AP European History and AP English, I have required reading as well. Big deal, boo hoo. I will enjoy it somehow. Anyway, here's my reading list for the summer. Take a gander, smile, laugh, and accuse me of being crazy. All of those are to be expected. :)
(titles with an asterisk are the ones I'm reading for the second time)

The Alchemist*
Brian's Winter
The River
Dogsong
Brisingr**
The Invisible Wall
The Help
The Best of Me
Dear John
Three Weeks With My Brother
The Perks of Being A Wallflower
Wit & Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations
My Name Is Memory
Jane Eyre
Scarlet Pimpernel
Great Expectations
Shark Life
No. 1 Ladie's Detective Agency (finish the series)
To Kill A Mockingbird*
Mere Christianity*

"I've noticed that everybody who is for abortion has already been born"-Ronald Reagan

Hosanna

"Heal my heart and make it clean,
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me.
Break my heart for what breaks Yours,
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause,
As I walk from love into eternity."

Ya'll Be Good Now, Ya Hear?

I've come to the bittersweet conclusion that I want to read more books than is physically or humanly possible for me at this time in my life. What is even more sad is, well, this is the time in my life (excluding retirement, which I will probably end up avoiding as much as possible anyway) that I have the most time to accomplish the daunting yet thrilling task of reading all the written works on my "must read" list. It's actually called, and feel free to make fun of me for this, but it makes sense if you know me at all, "Read Before You Get Married" list. I figure that by the time I am married, my reading momentum will slow down significantly due to a) not finding a man who enjoys reading as much as I do or b) I will begin to make more and more excuses for "not having time" to read.

I was just now reminded of my literary predicament because I was looking at one of those annoying Facebook questionnaire thingys about how many books you've read off of this particular list...I think the grand total was 8. Woohoo! But then as I was scrolling down the list I found sooo many more books to add to my reading list. I have friends that I could go to for recommendations also, but I'm almost afraid to because I have no room! My list is starting to exceed two pages and at the rate I'm going, I'm only going to finish half of the first page. It probably doesn't help that I find new books that I've never heard of before and I check them out at the library and they happen to NOT be on my list. Oh well. And now all this book-chatter has gotten me thinking of this summer and the summer assignment I'm going to do for my AP English class...oh the suspense! And wait! There's more! The reading and writing for my AP Euro History class too! I am such a nerd that I am utterly excited for those classes. Oh boy.

This summer will make for an interesting/exciting/epic blogging time period...watch out ya'll! Yes, I used Southern colloquiallism and I love it. So there. I shall stop typing now.

Be A Friend

Friendliness makes the world go 'round...and people happier. Nuff said

Love Is in the Air, Or At Least the Pages

Just thought I'd share this with you:

In the past year I've checked out and completed 12 books by Nicholas Sparks from the library and I currently have 3 more reserved for me on the shelf at this very moment. The epic saga continues! And I was on his website the other day and noticed there's a new one coming out soon! This guy never stops and I must say I'm not too disappointed with his work. Beware for I am predicting some of the upcoming blog posts will be on the subject of Nicholas Sparks and all the predictable yet enjoyable literary romance that comes with it.

Urgh...grrrr...rawr...and all that

This is the one and only time I will use this space to complain about the male race (I apologize in advance for not staying true to this statement, sorry guys but it's not my fault you tend to let me down and I feel like communicating my disappointment/frustration). So on to this tirade...first of all....hmmmm...well actually I've decided to abort this rant mostly due to the fact that this specimen is a good friend of mine and I don't have the motivation to come up with logical reasons as to why I should be angry with him without specifically naming his "I can't believe you did/said that" deeds. I guess I owe my frustration to my innocence, but then again if I always expected to be let down/not fully satisfied with the actions of the man population then that would be a sad life indeed. Oh well. I am now currently accepting the universal truth that the opposite sex (this applies to women as well) can never be and never will be perfect/understandable/not frustrating.

This makes me appreciate even more those shining, beautiful, and wonderful moments of hope when he (whomever he may be) rises to the occasion and goes above and beyond my expectations (and they are big, trust me). These fleeting glimpses of the capabilities of guys (and ladies, for all you men reading this) can only be described as a relief to the human mind. Sorry I couldn't come up with anything more poetic, but I believe a statement like this deserves to be logical and rational. What I mean "as a relief" is: for that single amount of time our thoughts and what we believe to be a "fantasy" or some sort of made-up depiction of how that person should act or be like, well it comes true and no guess work is needed. The guess work, this applies most stereotypically to women because we are "dreaming" beings, evaporates and becomes reality and we are pleasantly surprised! For example, the girl who sits at home imagining her first date (sounds like she has no life, and I'm that girl sometimes) will probably come up with some idea of what she wants to happen or how she wants her date to act. Of course things never turn out the way we plan, but there's also the possibility that she never imagined he would open doors for her and stand up when she leaves the table to go to the bathroom and he does these simple gestures, contradicting what "realistic" women believe to be impossible. Now you're probably thinking, "Come on Jessie, there's a slim chance this would happen." That's why I refer to these types of surprises as fleeting glimpses of the capabilities of men. Translated into real world talk this means the "normal man" would never do this. I think this is enough psychobabble for now! :) Wow, that was a super abrupt ending and I apologize. I blame this slip-up on my gradually closing eyes at this late hour.

Fantastical Quotes of the Day!

This day has been one of those days when you find yourself quoting so many inside jokes and all that good stuff. Tonight I have experienced four quotable family moments alone, I'm sure there's more to come. Here's a taste of what's been going on:

"blah blah blah....your weak little 16 year old life!"-mother in one of her intellectual tirades while completing English homework, I blame Mr. Henry David Thoreau for this one :)

"The Rockies suck!"-daddy, this one's noteworthy because the man NEVER, HARDLY EVER says the word "suck", or intently pays attention to the baseball game hehe

"Come on girl, hit that ball!"-Erica, she was watching MLB baseball, no females last time I checked (Tim Lincecum is approaching if he continues with that ridiculous haircut, or lack thereof), but hey I wasn't about to crush her enthusiastic mood

"I can make my own Top Ramen. I'm an independent woman, I can do it!"-me, I then proceeded to smash the living daylights out of those raw, uncooked and crunchy noodles on the edge of the countertop. FUN STUFF!!!! It's also a handy dandy task if you happen to have anger management issues :D Not that I do...;)

Yay for the Teenagey-Looking Face

I'm getting stress pimples!!!!! AAHHHHHHH!!!!! I never get zits! Well, obviously I am exaggerating, but that's not the point. The point is my face is displaying my stress for the whole world to see! This wouldn't be such a big deal like I'm making it out to be except for the reason why I'm STRESSING. That word is going to be in caps from now on, just to show how urggghhh it is. Okay so back to the reason why I'm STRESSING more than usual (I freak out a lot and get all spastic and worked up, this is quite different, don't worry I will make a Jessie Dictionary later on). Wow I'm so STRESSED that I can't even complete a humanly logical thought. I'm so STRESSED because AP testing is coming up (Advanced Placement tests are the devil child of SAT/ACT testing, and if I pass I get college credits and this whole year of pain and suffering and tears and frustration wouldn't be for nothing, and no mother, I will not admit that you were right about it being "too much" for me). So there's that and a month after is my last try on the SAT and finally, my grades are quite icky at the present (translated this means I am a lazy bum who needs to acquire some motivation/determination to finish out the year with a decent GPA). I just completed, after 8 months, Drivers Ed so that's one thing to be grateful for and not worry about.

So now that I've ranted and complained about school (not something I am proud of I must say considering the fact that I look upon this type of whiny/worrisome attitude with somewhat sympathetic disdain), I must admit to adding yet another piece of literary awesomeness to my "read before I get married" list. This would be....drum roll....Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte! Saw the movie with two of my favorite ladies the other day and it was the BEST version I've ever seen! I mean, Rachel and I were making girlish noises like "hehehehe" and I'm pretty sure my arms were outstretched to the movie screen on more than a couple occasions. Don't roll your eyes at me, the romantic scenes were merely too much for me to handle and my romance-movie-radar reached a whole new level of...well...lovey-doveyness. Seriously, I am buying that movie the day it comes out and watching it in private so I can rewind and repeat all the scenes I want! No joke, this one is better than even...gasp!...Pride & Prejudice! Yup, never thought I'd say it but it's true! Anyway, I guess it would be a good idea to start on some homework since I have to get those grades up! Pip-pip cheerio for now! (British phrases and accents make everything better and brillianter, just sayin')

Gracefully Galloping

It's ironic. I am not a very go-everywhere-and-do-everything kind of gal, but apparently I was this weekend and that caused my body to decide it wasn't happy last night and all this morning. Sleepover at Caitlin's last night was a success considering the fact that we were way too hyper for our own good and ran up a huge hill on her street and raced to the front door, gasping for breath at the end because we're so out of shape. Then I was reading her Seventeen magazine a.k.a the girliest and most wordly womanly magazine EVER. Caitlin then commented (facetiously of course) that I "chase after guys" and I would be like (complete with a physical demonstration of someone running in a frilly and quite desperate manner), "Waaaaiiittt! Where are you going?!?!" hahaha That made my day for sure and then I said in my typically Jessica manner, "I don't chase after guys...I gracefully gallop! I gallop on my high horse, refusing to get off and be "saved" by a knight in shining armor!" I was really rolling with the horse/fairy tale metaphor hehe Anyway, not that any of that is true, but it was quite enjoyable to joke around about it. So I had to stay at home today instead of going to the mall to "makeover" my friend Jack, and I go pretty close to insane when I have to be at home like a helpless vegetable who can't eat anything or get out of bed(I got out eventually and it didn't make much of a difference).

Drivers Ed will be the death of me (or my being instituted into an insane asylum, whichever comes first even though I'm pretty sure they don't allow dead people into insane asylums because that would be pretty useless, I mean what good will it do once you're already dead?) So I predict that I will be doing Drivers Ed whilst I watch the Giants game on tv tonight. Also, I am planning on doing a dorky thing tomorrow: I am bringing my mom's portable radio to my friend's birthday party so I can slyly listen to parts of the game, either that or my mom is going to txt me with updates. I have to do this since my good friend in photography class, my fellow crazy die-hard Giants fan, is going to be there at the game. And now I leave the computer to eat a sliver of pizza for dinner, oh the joy of having a wimpy immune system!

The Tables Have Turned

Looks like the tables have turned. Last time it was Lily at home sick blogging, and now it's me. Oh the joy. My books are going to be quite jubilant today because I will finally get the chance to sit down and read, for fun. Well, there's that and studying for my AP Bio quiz, my AP U.S. history quiz, and annotating some essays for English homework. But that's kid stuff hehe This morning the big sis txted me saying she was listening to Bennie and the Jets in the car, good stuff that is. That Elton John song is so dang catchy, doesn't matter if you like him or not. My head is starting to throb, I think I will go eat something to start the day. :)

Satire Is Literary Awesomeness

I love you Clive hehe Took this from Mere Christianity...

"That is why a cold, self-righteous prig who goes regularly to church may be far nearer to hell than a prostitute. But, of course, it is better to be neither."

So this is taken completely out of context, but I smile whenever I read it. :) Satire is defined as "

the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc." Okay just that definition is enough to make me love the word and its uses! I find myself exposing my own self-righteous nature as I read his words and find enjoyment in "pointing the finger at someone else", but now that I ponder it further, I'm ruminating that it's not self-righteousness that motivates my excitement in using irony and sarcasm to denounce folly, it's my writerness combined with my God-inhabited heart. It's not condemnation, it's not even reprimanding or scolding. It's using the point of view, usually the opposite of your own, to simply state the disillusionment of it all. Satire is pretty much the epitome of literary and rhetoric cleverness. Ew, this has got me thinking about English class. Dangerous topic this is! Danger, danger Will Robinson! I just had to do that, that was completely called for :D

Tonight I'm praying to God to search my heart...this is referencing my recent listening to Hillsong United's latest CD..good stuff! And now I bid all you wonderful readers good night :)

Merely Marvelous

I know it seems that, if you look at the title of my previous post, that I am extremely uncreative but that is not the case. I just love the word "merely" and what is wrong with that? I say nothing. So there, haha and in yo face word haters! Although I'm pretty sure haters of words would be reading a blog...and if they are then they are lame and should just stop being so lame. These are the parts in my blog where I sound like I'm being mean, but I'm not. If you know me then you know I'm just being..well..me. And now I've managed to ramble on about absolutely nothing significant which is another thing I tend to do quite often next to kidding around in an aggressive tone. :D hehe I'm not making good progress on my reading Mere Christianity due to reality and the fact that I chose to take three AP classes this year (I'm still beating myself up for that, not going to stop until the year is over). Now I have to get off because my nagging mother and sister are yelling at me to stop blogging...oh well. Until next time!

Merely Me

Ew. I am disgusted with myself. Honestly, I am making a scrunched up face at myself while writing this. I haven't written for a week and it's gross. I CAN'T STAND THIS ABSURDITY!!! I need to write more often and there's nothing else to it. Writing is my therapy for life and my remedy for all that bad shtuff that goes on around me. Yes, I say stuff with a "h". It adds something...well... better to it, don't you think? Don't be weirded out, but I am typing this in my bathroom. It's the only peaceful place I can be at this time of night. That doesn't make any sense because the whole house is pretty much filled with the silence of...well..nothing. The bathroom is just one of those places where I can sit on the floor, or the bathtub, or on top of the counter and just be alone. My room is not sufficient because that would suggest that I am in some way ready to go to bed and I am not.

I started reading Mere Christianity a while back and still have yet to finish it (refer to first post, it explains my literary weirdness) and so I picked it up yesterday and intend to finish it this weekend. Probably not going to happen since I never get anything useful done on the weekend beside the usual cleaning of the bathroom and vacuuming the house while avoiding the concept of homework. So, C.S. Lewis, I am attempting to conquer your books, starting with Mere Christianity. So far, it's pretty much made me fall in love with you, man. Not in a weird, creepy, "hey he's like dead and all" way, like in a "omg he's completely marvelous" kind of way. When I actually read some of his intellectual and insightful words I will get back to you guys. Feel free to pretend to be interested/excited. Whoever is reading this, you're stupendous. :)

An Irrelevant Poem Written in English Class

I don't have the faintest idea why I haven't come to this conclusion before today: poetry calms me down. It relaxes me, soothes me, and gives me peace much like reading the Bible does. Today in English I had absolutely nothing to do (work in class? who ever heard of such a thing!) and I was bored beyond belief. I had a sheet of paper in front of me so I started doodling and somehow those atrocious, pathetic-looking doodles turned into a pathetic poem. I just wrote out of habit and it felt GOOD! I didn't have a particular reason or rhyme for my poem (hehe get it, rhyme!) and the metaphors leave something to be desired, but all in all it was a beautiful experience. I'm thinking, "Only a writer would say that!" So...I guess I can call myself a writer now. I decree from this moment on that anyone who finds pleasure in writing may call themselves a writer! Now since I told you the little story behind my poem, I suppose I should share it with you all (a.k.a the amazing, intelligent, and unbelievably wonderful people who are reading this). And remember, it's a poem that's pretty much really rough and super silly....

The world is a freeway
And you're in the fast lane
I'm a '60s beater barely chugging along

The world is a zoo
And you're the lion on display
I'm the kid who's barely tall enough to see over the fence

The world is a racetrack
And you're the Chevelle in the lead
I'm the clumsy member of the pit crew with no tools

The world is a skyscraper
And you're the best view from the top floor
I'm the dirty elevator that keeps breaking down

The world is a garden
And you're the prize-winning pumpkin
I'm the shriveled squash that's been taken over by worms

Ah, poetry :)

Poetry is a breath of fresh air on a hot summer's day! (I wish it were summer) I ran across this poem earlier and it may be my favorite love poem of all time.

Sonnet 43 - How do I love thee? Let me count the ways by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Lavatory Adventures

I wrote this on the flight home last night...

I have to go pee. The battery on my ipod died and I have to go pee. My ears hurt from my headphones and I have to go pee. I'm on an airplane and I have to go pee. I don't particularly enjoy getting up and going to the lavatory on a moving aircraft. It's not fun. I happen to be one of those types of people who can't fall asleep on airplanes, not that I could even if I were normal because the yackety-yacker ladies in the row behind me are yacking it up like a crescendo; their imitatingly analytical voices getting louder and louder with every forced analysis of a book they've read on their Kindles. Oh brother. Apparently moms are reading Harry Potter and Twilight these days. Of course this is of no importance to me with at least one hour left on the flight to Oakland and the torturous inability to render myself unconscious. Four tests in school tomorrow, but all I want to do is cuddle up in my jammies, lay on the couch, and read poetry with a white chocolate mocha in hand. And maybe a capuccino pie like the one I had last night. Yummy. I wrote down a list of random facts about me (a desperate attempt to make myself sleepy) and 75% of them had to do with food. Coincidence? I think not. I still have to go pee.

And....NOW!

Hello there!

I came up with the idea of having my own blog on a 4-hour flight home from vacation last night. If you don't like it blame my ipod battery's short life-span, and boredom. I have a feeling you're going to enjoy this, though. hehe Wow. The "hehes" are comin' out and it's not even the fourth sentence! I LOVE that phrase, just so you know and you'll be reading that quite often if you're brave enough to continue reading. Now I sound like Lemony Snicket! Oh dear. *sigh*

I might as well start with the meaning behind the oh-so-amazingly-fantastical title of this collection of writings. "Bookmarks and Doggie-Ears" Well the bookmarks part, that's easy. And if I have to explain the "Doggie-Ears" part then that most likely means you're a "clean reader" as I like to call it. :) When you fold down the top corner of a page in a book in a triangular-like shape/form in order to keep your place, that is what we clever human beings call doggie-eared pages, or just doggie-ears. Normal people probably say just "dog-ears", but we all know that "doggie" is significantly more silly, and therefore, necessary in my writing and every day speech! hehe There comes another one! Don't say I didn't warn you. Anyway, as I was musing over my stylistic choices as a prolific writer in today's society (cue the satire), I noticed that I have a lot of bookmarks in my room. I mean, A LOT! And I'm not a hoarder or one of those strange people that collects random objects out of sheer boredom, so the only other explanation for this fact is that I need more than one bookmark because I never always finish a book before moving on to the next. In fact, I hardly ever finish a book all the way through in one time frame. I flit and frolic from one story to the next, sometimes "pausing" in the middle of one book and proceeding to start another book that catches my eye. And when I say "pause" I mean I don't come back to it until the library circulation emails flood my inbox with urgency telling me I need to return it or die! Well, it's possible.

So I hope to entertain you with, and inform you of, my crazy relationship with literature/the world encompassing it. Forget about boyfriends and beaus, I've got books. :)

Let the blogging and random ranting commence....NOW!