Punching Bag

Senior year. It's the final period of one's life at high school and it's bittersweet. Come November, all everyone will be talking about is college. Ick. I love college, love talking about it when I want to, but I detest the conversations that tend to occur around them. Such as, "I'm applying to all these colleges...blah blah blah....yeah I need to get into them because they're so good and all that junk". Well, I plan on going to college period. I don't need to be accepted into a UC or a school of certain prestige in order to feel smart, capable, intellectual, etc. In fact, I openly refuse to support the UC system and all its crap. Right now, and even through the weeks of applying to two or three colleges, I will be enjoying high school life. That means not having to worry about how I'm putting food in front of myself for the night, how I'm going to pay bills and taxes, and what I need to buy at the grocery store for the week. I am not an adult yet, therefore I don't believe I need to pretend to be something I'm not. For my seventeenth year on earth, if God wills it, I am determined to savor my "freedom". Meaning, making decisions with what to do with money that I earn because God knows I won't have it once I start to receive responsibilities in my adult life. Being 17 means I'm asking God and my parents and family to help prepare me for life, but not to expect me to jump on the bandwagon of complacency and just accept things the way they are. I will question why I have to do something I don't want to do, why I have to give things up for other things. Why priorities for me are not for others. I just want to surrender to the fact that I can't figure everything out before I have to. I can only be prepared to grow up after it's already happening, which it is. So, my motto for the moment is "roll with the punches, but dish out some of your own". Yup, sounds good to me. hehe

That post was a bit scatter-brained haha oh well

The Answer Is Always "Yes"

Story time! I was working at the register at the snack bar today at work and a sweet-looking lady was pulling out her bills and asked if we're allowed to take tips. I said, "unfortunately, no". And then she proceeded to say something along the lines of "oh that's too bad" and then she said in a most chipper manner, "well then I'll just have to pray harder for you today!" I smiled and said a polite, "thank you", but then I totally freaked out inside my head for a moment! A random lady just told me she'd pray for me today! I didn't know her, never seen her before, and you have no idea how rare it is to have such a sweet and amazing customer like her on your shift at the movie theater! Needless to say that completely made my day, but I didn't really think too much of it until a little earlier this evening. I was a little in shock, I think, that it actually happened. Could it be possible that God would send me a little reminder like that in the middle of my day to let me know that He's always thinking of me and that He loves me? Is it comprehensible that there are strangers just like her that are praying for me? The answer is yes. Always.

Beautiful Things

I wonder if, when God is watching His plans for us unfold, especially the ones we don't see coming, if He smiles contently and simply waits for us to respond. I imagine a smile, eyes gleaming brighter than supernovas, pure love shooting out in every direction, arms outstretched for the ready. I have to believe that He doesn't find pleasure, necessarily, in our pain, in our being knocked off our feet, and yet it feels as if He wants us to hurt. It's not a new contradictory idea; hurt bringing healing, but we need to be reminded every time it happens, that's for sure. I'd like to experience the hurt, heal, then erase the hurt from my memory so that nothing, even mere memories, can turn me back to that place where I don't want to be. I don't want to remember the life of the Hurt. This being what caused it, all the details and events having anything to do with it, anything that could turn my mind to that darkness. No other name fits it closely enough but that.

I feel the heavy presence of my Father, my God, when I realize that a simple song is a tool He used and is using at this very moment. I heard it for the first time only about a week ago, but it's simple enough that I memorized it, have been playing it constantly, and now it seems I find refuge in it. The lyrics relate to how I feel at this moment, after the Hurt. Because of the power of that song, I make it my prayer for tonight and the rest of my life: that no human being could ever defile the Creation that God has made in me. The Light and the Beauty can never be put out or covered up by human events, or human will. By God alone I have been made, and by God alone I will be remade. Made new. Out of feeling like a speck of dust, I become a Beautiful Thing.

Here's the lyrics:

Beautiful Things by Gungor

All this pain
I wonder if I'll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

Chorus:
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

Good Night Moon, Hello School!

Okay. Let's go back to school already. I have no big, amazing plans for the last few days of summer and I got my schedule so I'm set to go! Let's get the show on the road. By the time it really does start I will regret saying this, but oh well. I am a school person. I enjoy it, I loved it last year probably most of all the years I've been attending this...er...institution and I'm super excited for my senior year. So let's do this! One last weekend before I start to sincerely treasure the weekends again, this was my last Friday morning devoid of the need to wake up before the sun does. Oh the joy. My heart will just be singing songs of pure ecstasy once I start up the whole routine again. Not. I wonder what time Starbucks opens???? Something to think about once I get my license in 3 months *eek!* So today: the morning hours consisted of standing in a sea of sophomoric sophomores for 45 minutes (some of which smelled really bad) only to slowly creep along an assembly line of turning in forms and what not (I call the packets of forms they send home before school starts "crap packets") and then not so discreetly fast walk around in a circle in the gym to get to the table where the class schedules are. Counselor tells me I need to go up to office with my health form thingy, go up there and there's no directions, no nothing but some people dealing with a situation in one part of the office. I finally go over to one of the rooms I noticed, hand them my form, get another piece of paper, walk BACK down to the sophomore atmosphere, stand in line behind some sophomores, then get my schedule, then GET THE HECK OUT OF THERE! Got to work on time surprisingly. Like my schedule thus far and now I'm anxious to get back to school. My brain is confused by the drastic decline of usage it's gotten in the past two months. It's sad, really.

I freakin' love my teachers from last year, most of which I will be visiting on the first day back because I miss them so much, yes I'm a softy. Then I will walk into my first period with a grin on my face because my teacher is the same science teacher I had freshman year and completely loved, he even remembered me in the past couple years I wasn't in his class. So that's that. And I'm so excited for school that I even sort of began my school newspaper endeavors, unofficially. Yayness. Okay, sleep is a necessary part of my day, therefore I shall retire now. Good night world. :) hehe

How do i always end up talking about work? ugh

After seven straight days of work, then two days in a row of not working, I am actually excited to go back to work tomorrow. Then I get the rest of the week off for my birthday weekend and camping in Tahoe! yay! And honestly, I am starting to not completely hate work now. It "pays the bills" and in some way, it's rewarding to spend hours doing things not for yourself. I hate only doing things that involve my own life and all that. It's freaky. Not having to think of someone else, it really takes a toll on me for some out of this world reason. I give credit to God. Yup, that can be the only explanation. I'm breathing a sigh of relief. From what I am not sure, but it feels good. :) I think part of this "contentness" is coming from listening to country music on Pandora and writing. Gosh I love writing. Okay I'm getting off here before I get all emotional. hehe

Writing In A Chair In the Middle of the Grass

Out here I'm alone and I like it. I don't particularly enjoy being alone, but sometimes I prefer to be by myself and just take in the silence. It's funny: most people don't know when to stop talkingm but at the same time are completely unaware of when to speak up and say something. i mean the words that are meant and intended to be said. Not the gross gossip, or latest updates on other people's private lives. The newlywed sneaking up behind his wife to kiss her on the cheek when she's doing laundry and he says, "Be careful with my delicates now!" The old man bringing his wife of 40 years her iced tea and says, "Want some sugar too?" as he grins and tenderly gives her a peck on the lips. Okay, I've been reading way too many romance novels lately, but you catch my drift.

The point is God has given me this perfect part of the day to sit outside and clear my thoughts of anything but Him and His love for me. Seriously, the wind is blissful because it reminds me of the ocean, or open fields of grass and never-ending directions to frolic in. Yes, frolic. It is a very awesome past time everyone should try at one point. It's like dancing for Jesus in the fashion I believe He intended for us; shameless, exciting, and liberating while being surrounded by His glorious creations.

I shall conclude with lyrics to a song I'm listening to at the moment of my ruminations:

"Because of Your cross my debt is paid
Because of Your blood my sins are washed away
Now all of my life I freely give
Because of Your love, because of Your love I live"

Eleanor Roosevelt!

I was bored so I looked up "eleanor roosevelt quotes" in google. I admire that woman so much for who she was, what she did, and most of all her character. She was just plain amazing. Here's a taste of her wisdom:

"I have spent many years of my life in opposition, and I rather like the role."

"What you don't do can be a destructive force"

"Women are like teabags. We don't know our true strength until we are in hot water!"

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do"

"Never allow a person to tell you no who doesn't have the power to say yes"

"We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all"

"Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product"

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams"
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