Mirrors

I wonder why, me being so independent of thought and sense of direction, why I rely so on other's beliefs in me? Why do I, even in the smallest ways, attempt to conform to this world? How can I speak and feel so passionately, and yet be so frail? How can my beliefs be strong, my confident facade be stronger, and my faith in myself so weak? When did I begin to form the fork between the road of wanting and the road of capability? Since when were they separate, completely different entities? Where has my child-like faith gone? Is it buried in the bleak realm of acceptance and complacency? Or maybe the waste basket filled to the brim with other people's dreams, discarded and traded for something inferior; reality. What we call "the real world". I tell you, the world is nothing more than what we make it out to be. Am I still smart, driven, caring? Am I the person everyone sees in me? Maybe the mirror lies. Look at yourself through another's eyes.

...

Found a moldy orange in one of my bags in my closet. Maybe I have a problem...looking for the Febreze as I type...I am shaking my head at myself mentally...these incomplete thoughts are bugging me. Going to go clean now.

32 Ounces, Yeah Right!

It has come to no surprise that I have made little progress on my bucket list. I think the "drink at least 32 ounces of water a day" was a bit unrealistic considering my record of keeping half-finished water bottles in my room until I've collected a solid amount of 4 or more. None of them being finished in the span of one day. Old habits die hard, or however that saying goes. I'm looking at my Nalgene bottle right now and it has about 14 ounces of 3 day old water in it. It's easy to say that I don't clean up my desk very often. It has become my personal collecting table of whatever I don't feel like putting away or taking care of. In fact, just for the fun of it I shall give you a little taste of the interesting items that are currently making their home on this useful piece of furniture. Let's see, a small Tupperware container that I used for a snack at work maybe a week ago, my old biology binder that's still filled with all my papers from the previous school year (I meant to have a bonfire for those...), three books stacked in a pile to my left and only one of which I am even close to finishing, and a bin that is filled with random shtuff including a MLK poster that I intend to hang somewhere in a very cool and inspirational fashion, and my purse that I never use.

Hammock Ruminations

This much wind and I should be on the bow of a sailboat in the middle of the Pacific Ocean! That's where I'd like to be anyway. Instead, I am reclining in the hammock with Mere Christianity, a small bottle of water, and a warm outfit! First day of vacation bible school and I was very excited. Complete with silly and enthusiastic dance moves, enough to embarrass myself and cause half the audience to give me blank stares. Granted,that was the "cool" half, the group of kids that are on the cusp of growing up and so think themselves too cool for such silliness. They will learn in no time that silliness is invaluable. If you're smart, you hold onto your silliness for as long as possible because whether you realize it or not, one day that lighthearted weirdness will put a smile on your face and give you an untouchable joy.

Exciting Jessie story for the day: Just went outside to roll my mom's car windows up and I was wearing my pajama pants and a sports bra. I'm pretty sure no one saw me, but oh well. You see worse things driving in your car in broad daylight. Like this one time when I saw an English teacher I knew and he was wearing bright blue spandex pants, while jogging shirtless. Interesting. Waking up tomorrow early so I can do my last driving lesson at 8! woohoo, so scared for my life. Probably going to parallel park and all that jazz.

Weirdness

Back to the Bucket List: crossed off #3 and #15. Those are "play the piano" and "cook a stir fry dish". First one went alright (wouldn't really call it playing, I practiced some worship songs with just the chords, but what the heck) and the second, well it went as well as to be expected. I overcooked the veggies, they were mooshiness to the max. I put everything in at the wrong time and out of order, but it tasted edible and no one died of amateur stir fry poisoning so...It was so ugly looking that I didn't want to take a picture of it. I will try some other time in the future and it shall be amazing. Okay, for some reason I'm not in the right mood for writing. Which is weird for me since I'm always in the mood to write. Okay, stopping now.

"The Sisters and Space Theory"

I have a theory for you: I named it "The Sisters and Space Theory" or if you'd like to apply it to all siblings, "The Siblings and Space Theory". The gist of it is basic physics, really. The more sisters one has, the less space one has. This theory can be applied to brothers also, but from simple observation I've noticed that sisters tend to be "all up in each other's grills" about things waaaayyy more often than brothers to sisters. Brothers tend to usually keep to themselves and attempt to ignore the estrogen that is invading their man space. Usually. Now, as years pass and older sisters move out of the house (which they never really do until they're married because let's face it, they miss ragging on their little sisters about things and giving them "sisterly advice" which is just girl advice with more punch to it), well after sisters move out, in the case of a 3-daughter household, a new older sister is born! In summary, the youngest sister becomes more needy than she already is and the middle sister becomes more suffocated than she already is. The sister love will always be there, but the need for space becomes more imperative than you can imagine.

"The Soul Sista Space Theory"- This is very similar to the preceding axiom, but substitute biological siblings for best friends whom you call siblings. Cutting out the whole moving out thing, and just plain simplify it to "if they're an only child, they pretty much need a good best friend like you to be with". This is good. This is entirely wonderful and the friendship can be completely amazing like mine is with my bestie, but my bestie doesn't have any siblings of her own and so I am the sister she never had. I volunteered for this "position" and gladly fill it with pride. It just so happens, though, that the first theory directly applies to me because I am a middle child, and combined with the "Soul Sista Space Theory", it can get overwhelming. In short, this author needs space every now and then. That sounds totally lame, but it's true.

How do I get space? For me, it's writing on my blog (if Laverne isn't looking over my shoulder like she was a few minutes ago), or lounging on the floor in a bookstore which I haven't done in quite some time and really should do soon, or even going to Starbucks with a book, or browsing around in Bath and Body Works (I could be in there forever, it smells like heaven!). Basically, I am a lone wolf in most situations and when I am social, it's not in big groups (unless forced into it), and if I know what I would like to do for the day, I'd prefer to just do it in quiet and enjoy it. Plain and simple. It is a rare occasion that I call up one of my friends to do something. Just not how I do things. The only exception to this is when the other friend takes charge (which my bestie does a lot, bless her soul) and initiates the "hanging out". What does that even mean, anyway? My next topic for discussion :D Until next time!

Camping Journals...and shtuff

Okay so you can't blame me for wanting to fit in as many blog postings as possible into one day because I have a goal of reaching 100 posts by the end of the summer, and I will do it. So I wrote the following while camping to make up for the days I wasn't able to connect to a computer.

6/28
Writing with my snazzy shark pen, yeah that's how I roll. Sitting in front of the yet-to-be-existent fire, and as Jeff Daddy is cooking the chicken on the BBQ I'm reminded of a poem I wrote in Ms. Sommer's English class. Wow, that sounds like a cue for a song, resembling what you experience in musicals, and not so well done ones at that.

Here's the poem I had stashed away...

Steak for Dinner

I recall Pinecrest Lake in June.
An expanse of powder blue sky osculates
the apex of the proud pine tree.
A sliver of smoke ascends, reaching for the heavens.
Its origin is a humble scarlet grill.

The snap, crackle, pops draw my attention
from the Dutch Blitz game I'm playing
with my sisters, to the Wilderness Man.
His burly face so focused yet tranquil.
The Wilderness Man is cooking the way
he has for as long as we can remember.
Flips the steaks over, shakes some seasoning
as it coats each piece so much that I sneeze
because the subtle breeze carries it from feet away.
Deftly covers the grill and wipes his charred
hands on his denim jeans.
It's time to eat!

6/29
Turns out camping doesn't leave a lot of room for spontaneous writing, especially last night when it was pouring down rain with a little thunder and lightning on the side. All last night I was going through a series of mental breakdowns whilst my body was wrapped in my sleeping bag, hiding from the raging storm outside. I can't even concentrate on what I wanted to say because I'm too distracted by the little kids playing baseball, their dog with the most obnoxious bark in the world (maybe the universe), and the parents who are just as immature as their kids. If there's one thing that's more annoying than immature children, it's immature adults. I only pray to God that I learn something from all the completely ridiculous married couples that I see and don't act the way they do. God only hopes. Which reminds me of a Jane Austen quote! As Mr. Knightly once said, "The truest of friends does not doubt, but hope." Yay for Mr. Knightly!

Oops!

I shall pretend for a moment that I neglected to relay to all my readers a most important and upmostly (it's a word now) vital piece of information. In reality, I just forgot to say that I crossed off #2 on my bucket list which is "write poetry". I decided to do that in the morning a few days ago, while still in bed so give me a break. Here it is...

you spout off your philosophies
the same way that you say that we do,
what you don't see is that you're just like me,
you believe in something and defend it too.

"Those Christians, they don't know what they're talking about"
Well how is that so? Do you?

no one is above or below,
we all crawl at the human line
but those very few whom you called fools
The Creator calls "children" and "mine"

so why persecute, if you "know" you're right?
it's no use trying to put us down
because by the grace of God, we'll get up again
and in His army, for His name, we will fight

Potheads, and Concerts, and Things Like Illicit Drugs

Crossed off #20 on my summer bucket list. Bam! Went t0 Vans Warped Tour yesterday and got a picture of Relient K. So there. They were amazing as expected and I got a sunburn, as also expected. It was piping hot in Mountain View, I'm telling you. Not very much shade was present and it was a miracle I didn't pass out from a heat stroke. So at the end of the day, satisfaction was felt on my behalf. I still can't believe I made it through the day of those stupid potheads, with their very-big-word-for-disgusting marijuana. I mean, come on people. We were chilling out in the ampitheater and a couple rows directly in front of me was this one guy passing around his cigarette, or joint, or whatever you call it. I was just sitting there and I had about had it with this dude so I was looking around, found a half-full soda cup, and almost threw it at him. I literally was on the brink of chucking a cup full of soda at the back of this man's head! Personally, I think it would have made for a fantastic story, but considering the fact that I've never had much experience with angry potheads, I wasn't about to find out for myself what would happen if I did that. Next time, though, it will happen. Watch out, potheads! Jessie's comin' for ya! hehe All the time leading up to this event I teased my friend that I was going to buy an "above the influence" shirt and wear it there. I couldn't find one that I liked, but I did end up seeing someone with an anti-weed shirt, so I'm not the only smart weird person out there.

Back to the bucket list: six down, nineteen to go!

P.S. The title of this post is a pun. There's a Relient K song called "Chapstick, and Chapped Lips, and Things Like Chemistry". Just sayin' :)

A Bittersweet Return

Back to civilization and it's bittersweet indeed. Camping in Pinecrest is the most sacred of Whitcomb family traditions, next to Disneyland that is. Just me, Mr. J-Diddy, and Erica this time around. I won't have enough time this typing session to go into detail about the fun had by all, but here's commentary on the return portion of the vacation.

The Bitter: No more sitting in front of the fire with a poking stick in hand, just relaxing with the fam. No more enjoying the scenic view of the lake at sunset without a care in the world. Coming back to the obligations of daily life, and all that entails. Pretty much no more escape from "regular" life.

The Sweet: SHOWERS!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOODNESS, SHOWERS!!!!!!!!!! I've never loved showering so much as I did today when I bathed and felt warm water for the first time in four days. The kitties, you end up missing them no matter what. Outlets to charge my phone in, there's an epic saga in there about how I managed to go camping with only one bar of battery life to start with. No more having to listen to obnoxious and childish neighbors, the adults were worse than their kids.

There's more, but I'm too distracted by the pizza in front of me and the current episode of Whale Wars on t.v. to think. Okay, will come back to this subject area when I've been properly refueled and rested.